I've always thought of writing here about this specific kind of kitchen disaster, but never really got the time or the inspiration for doing so. Well, time has come.
From times to times, when I'm cooking for myself, things go wrong in a very peculiar way. The food I make comes out tasting like the end of the world. It has something to do with the classic teenfood freedom, as any other mistake has.
But when when I say that a food tastes like Apocalypse, I'm not talking about a simple accident; I'm talking about some less-than-right choices I make, specially when not in the best mood for cooking or missing the best-suited ingredients for something. Not sure if because of my fowl mood and desperate hunger, but most of times it turns out eatable - sadly, I must say.
The most easily recognisable characteristic that all my Apocalypse dishes share is the chaotic combination of strong-tasted ingredients ("a waste of tastes", like my friend Labaki once told me). These are usually anything that lasts for longer than a week on the fridge - basically condiments, conserves and sausage-like meats (sometimes a barely-edible cheese). All that and absolutely no sense nor sensibility.
For tonight's nightmare, as an example, I fried one thinly sliced onion and lots of chopped sausage on butter. The idea was to make a dry-sauce for my instant noodles so, as I didn't want to open a whole can of pilled tomatoes, I added some dijon mustard and lots of catchup to it. With a sip of water, it became a dangerously looking orange goo.
But that was not enough, oh no! There was something missing, I felt. So, I broke an egg on top of the goo and let it cook by itself, without stirring it. When the noodles were done, I just topped them with this mess. And then I ate it.
Everything about it felt wrong: the sweetness of the catchup and the over-dosed sausages completely obliterated the soft-yolk taste; the color and texture were a total abomination; finally, below all this there was a pile of INSTANT NOODLE.
This is what I call Apocalypse Food.
Fast, easy and awful.
Just like the end of the world.
